Wow! It’s been since December of 2015 since I last posted. Over the past 3 years, a lot has changed. I think I got my positive pregnancy test a few days after that last post, but then I was too afraid to blog because I thought I would jinx things. I had a whole pregnancy journal I was scared to write in as well, so it just sits empty. What is not empty is my heart. After a relatively uneventful pregnancy, we welcomed our miracle baby in August of 2016. He’s now 2 1/2 years old and is an absolute delight.

We had a little setback during my pregnancy regarding our 4 other embryos. At first I thought all 4 were abnormal, but after G was born, I learned that we have 1 embryo that is untested, just like G was. When G was a year old, I had a minor stroke and have been trying to get my health in order since an autoimmune disorder diagnosis. I have talked to all the specialists and have been given approval to go forward with another pregnancy. We are excited, but cautious as well.

I went in for my baseline this week to prepare for the hysteroscopy. Then BAM! I got hit by the flu the next day so we have to postpone until March. Hopefully we can transfer this little embryo in April or May and find out what God has in store for us. I have faith that what is meant to happen will happen. I’ll update as this journey continues! Welcome back!!

Thank you to all who reached out to me after my previous post. Sometimes I don’t think anyone really reads this blog and so I use it for more of a public journal. I am OVER my pity party!!!  I’m still waiting on results and still crying sporadically, but I’m also holding out hope and planning ahead in case this round doesn’t work. We will know soon enough.

Otherwise, everything is just fine. The meds are super easy at this point–3 pills a day, one estrogen patch to be changed every three days, and one progesterone in oil shot every night. Not too bad considering what we have done in the past.

Thank you to my dear dear friends, near and far.  Thank you for loving me and supporting me.  And thank you for sending messages of chocolate and making me laugh!!!  Love and hugs!

Today I am not feeling happy and chipper. I am feeling down. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m wondering why this has happened to us. Why can’t we even get an explanation for why we don’t have a baby? I’m tired. I’m tired of this consuming my life. I’m tired of shots and pills and pregnancy tests. I’m worried that if this if doesn’t work that we won’t be able to afford another transfer for a long time. And honestly I’m worried that I can’t do another transfer and go through this psychological trauma another time.

I’m not feeling any symptoms and I tested negative on a FRER last night. There’s still hope, but from what I’ve read 5 days past transfer is a pretty popular day to test positive. I keep telling myself there’s still a chance, but part of me feels deep in my heart that this didn’t work. I can’t stop wanting to cry. And in addition to all of that, the PIO shot must have hit a nerve last night because I have pain going down my entire right leg. I could barely sleep because of the discomfort. And I’m walking with a limp. Hopefully this, too, will run its course.

So welcome to my pity party. Where you get no baby, but you can get permanent damage to your body from shots and hormones. Not to mention the weight gain on this already more to love body. Will this ever end?

And now we wait. All went well today. Our little embryo was grade AB, which our doctor said was good. Other than suffering from a VERY full bladder, there was no discomfort. I think the Motrin and the Valium made it an easy process. Now I bed rest for three days. (I’m already bored! 😂)

Probably what I’ve been dreading the most since we started the IVF process–Progesterone in Oil (PIO) shots. Our first one was tonight. Ugh. Thanks to some advice from one of my Facebook groups, it wasn’t too bad. I iced for a while before and now I’m sitting on a heating pad. The worst part for me tonight was withdrawing the PIO into the syringe. It’s some pretty think stuff. And then the needle was pretty darn long, too. I think the worst part for hubs was the entire process. Ha!  Actually, he did fine. It took a while to get it all pushed in because of the oil, but ultimately it was a success for both of us. Here’s to hoping for 10-12 more weeks of these shots!!!

Transfer is definitely next Wednesday! Yes!! This has been such a waiting game. I’m still taking tons of estrogen and will add the progesterone in oil (PIO) shots on Friday. Then I will start prednisone starting the day before the transfer. This is all so exciting!! My mom will be coming to stay with me for the few days after the transfer since I will be on bed rest. I can’t wait to get this show on the road!!!

13 days until the transfer!! I went back to the doctor today and everything is on track for a tentative December 2 transfer. Right now is just a waiting period with lots of estrogen supplements and some acupuncture thrown in. The estrogen is making me slightly nauseated and weepy, but other than that I’m doing great. We’re excited but also nervous. Please keep us in your prayers! I’ll update again after my appointment next Wednesday.

I was finally able to go back the doctor today and I have started the estrogen supplements! Yay! I’m so glad I didn’t have to put this off any longer with more birth control. I will take an estrogen pill three times a day, and I will also wear an estrogen patch to be changed every three days.

They are saying that the transfer will tentatively be the first week of December.

I mentioned earlier that we are in a study for the PGS (pre-implantation genetic screening), so we are not privy to the results of the screening. They said they would only let us know something if all of the embryos had problems. We haven’t heard anything yet, so I’m hoping that’s a good sign.

Keep us in your prayers over the next few weeks! This next week shouldn’t be bad, but I sure am dreading those progesterone in oil shots I’ll be starting soon!!

I just got the call–5 made it to blastocyst and are being frozen until our transfer. I’ve been hoping and praying all along for at least 5, and now we have it. The anticipation waiting on the final count has been brutal!!  So now we wait for the PGS testing results (which we won’t find out because we’re in a blind study) and my period to start so we can start prepping for the transfer. Yay!!!

I just got the call.  15 fertilized!  I am shaking and crying!! Now we wait until Tuesday or Wednesday when we find out how many make it through the 5 day mark to be frozen.  They will also be biopsied for the preimplantation genetic screening.  Then I guess next time I start my period we will start prepping for the transfer.  Please pray for these little miracles as they develop and grow!!!