Some questions are difficult to answer when you are struggling with infertility. I remember being single and constantly getting the “Do you have a boyfriend” question. Then when you are dating it’s the “When are you going to get married” question. Well, that was actually usually my nephew asking future hubby the question, but I still credit nephew for pushing hubs in the right direction!

I was so glad to get married because those questions were over. Little did I know we would have a new round of questions to answer. “Do you have a family?” “Do you have kids yet?” “When are you going to start your family?” When we were first married, we answered with an optimistic, “Not yet, but hopefully soon!” Once the struggle became real, I would mumble a “not yet” and force a smile. Now I try to avoid the question, and to avoid the question you usually have to avoid meeting new people. Depending on who asks, my answers vary. Typically if you ask me the question you will get the “not yet” response. Every now and then for a friend or close acquaintance, I will admit that we would love a family but that we have had some trouble so we need some medical intervention. (See my post about Coming out of the Infertility Closet to see what happens after that answer. 😜)

I think that people think it’s a polite question and a good conversation starter. I’m sure I used to do it myself. But let me give you an example of how it stings. The day before our very first IUI was Mother’s Day. Mother’s Day is a holiday where you celebrate your own wonderful mother, but it also reminds you of how empty your own womb has been. So on Mother’s Day hubby and I went to get a pedicure. Relaxing, right? Nope. Both of our pedicure ladies bombarded us with the questions. “Do you have a family?” “Why no family yet?” “How old are you?” “You don’t want to wait too long.” We fielded questions such as these for about 20 minutes. Finally, I asked them about their own kids and they dropped their questions to answer mine. I had to look at things from a different perspective. I left feeling bad for them since they had to work on this special day for mothers when they had their own children at home.

I realize that questions like these happen to everyone. I have a couple dear to me who is working on their second child. I have seen first hand people tell them, “It’s time for a second baby!” They handle it with grace and dignity every time, but I’m sure it stings.

This post is kind of rambling, but I started writing it because of the actual “family” question. Is a couple not a family if it just the two of them with no kids? I feel like we are a family. We may be a family of two adults, three dogs, and a cat, but we are a family.

So anyway, tonight and tomorrow we have functions at our new church where we are going to meet new people. I’m sure we’re going to get some of these questions and I need to be mentally prepared. I will get my smile ready and rehearse my cheerful, “Not yet! But hopefully soon!” Wish me luck!!

UPDATE:  We finished our first function and didn’t get any family planning questions. If you know me you would know I’m a huge worrier and over-thinker. It looks like I overthought this big time. What a relief!